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DEAR DAWG:

I hope you will help me in promoting greater transparency in the operation of our public schools.  Do you realize that school board members are currently NOT required to disclose the salaries they receive from the district?  This is outrageous!  I hope you will support my bill: THE BOARD MEMBER SALARY DISCLOSURE BILL so that our citizens can see where our tax dollars are going!  Furthermore, my bill will require school board members to reduce their own salaries any time that they claim a “financial exigency” that leads to a reduction in force.  We need to address these issues!  “OF THE PEOPLE” JONES, STATE REPRESENTATIVE

DEAR “OF THE PEOPLE”:

We are with you!!  We think that the people of Texas deserve to know exactly how much our school board members are raking in.  So we look forward to the passage of your bill and the subsequent disclosure of the ZERO salaries of our school board members.  And you are right about the fairness of the whole thing.  If teachers are being let go, and salaries are being reduced, then it is only fair that those at the top should share the pain.  However, we have consulted with a Mathematics Professor at the local U to find out how you reduce the salary of a person who makes zilch.  She went on and on about irrational and negative numbers, but I think the answer is that you can’t do it in the real world.  School board members receive no pay, and thus it is hard to see how it can be reduced.  Maybe your bill should require that when they go to conferences they should have to stay at Motel 6 and eat at McDonald’s, but some will see that as sort of mean spirited.  Best of luck, “Of the People.”  DAWG.

 

DEAR DAWG:

The chili cook off is a big event around here.  Lots of fun, and a fundraiser for our Educational Foundation.  So we were dismayed when we discovered that there is a reason why our superintendent has won this event for the past five years. The guy is cheating!  We got suspicious last year when he seemed to be so smug and confident about it.  So this year we hired a private eye who tracked him for the two weeks leading up to the event.  We have video evidence of his clandestine meetings with top chefs in Dallas, and his hauling of the winning chili out to our little town.  The rules are simple, Dawg.  It has to be your own child—your own recipe, and made by your own hands.  WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT CHILIGATE?

DEAR CHILIGATE:

Snooping on the superintendent may not be illegal, but it is not exactly kosher.  And everyone cheats at chili cook-offs.  Don’t punish the man for being good at it, just enjoy his award winning chili. 

 

DEAR DAWG:

We are opening a new school next fall and we let the kids who will be attending there choose the colors, mascot, logo, etc.  It has sparked a lot of interest and enthusiasm, but we are a bit concerned over the choice of mascot.  The vote was overwhelmingly in favor of THE FIGHTING EMBRYOS.  We have a very strong pro-life contingent here and I think one of the local pastors stirred the pot on this a lot.  At a minimum, this is going to bring a lot of national exposure to our school, and we don’t really want that.  We have some pro-choice advocates upset with us, because they think this represents a tacit endorsement of the pro-life position.  And they are right about that. If you asked the kids who voted for FIGHTING EMBRYOS they will tell you that that is exactly what it is about.  They also think it is a good image for a brand new school, just emerging into the world for the first time.  They also point out how this will make life difficult for our athletic opponents.  Who is going to hold up a banner that says: SMASH THE EMBRYOS!!  I’m the principal-designee, and I hate to get my tenure started by telling the kids that I’m going to veto their choice.  But I also am uncomfortable with this. What to do?  SHOULD HAVE RIGGED THE BALLOT BOX WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.

DEAR SHOULD HAVE RIGGED:

If you change this student choice you will likely be sued for violating their First Amendment rights.  After all, if cheerleaders in uniform have a First Amendment right to require all football players to run through a banner that expresses the religious views of the cheerleaders, without regard to the views of anyone else, then I suppose the First Amendment also protects the collective choice of the students to choose a mascot.  Good luck to THE FIGHTING EMBRYOS!